Oh, well

Stop judging me
not them you, me
every thing I see I feel
like I'm taking as a action against myself
is this vanity or justified

either way I feel sort of stupid
either people have no idea who I am
and they're miss judging me
or no one's judging me because they don't care who I am.

what upsets me even more is why am so I concerned about how others judge me
I know who I am and I'm not the only one.
who cares
if people aren't putting me high on their pedestal they are putting someone else up there and who am I to deny others praise.

oh well can't win for losing

Live life!

Just live life Dammit! You'll never figure it out!
Why are people so gullible?
some people take this living thing so seriously?

not to say that there's not the possibility of some ultimate punishment or reward for how we complete this journey but I know no one has the truth to what that may be. It's all a bunch of crock! You don't know what happens when you're dead until you're dead and I'm in no hurry to find out.

In the beginning of time there was no religion and the first man to live was the closest living men will ever be to understanding "god" or an "afterlife" and it's been downhill ever since.

what got me on this topic?

I think my mind is still latent with left over religious bull that was hoisted upon me in my childhood all the guilt and shame that I was supposed to feel for being inherently evil. All that baggage that prevented me from just living after all that's what we're here for the only reason for living is living.

I really have to get over this...........

starting again...again

spinning round in circles
clouded windows do abound
throwing up curtains surrounding myself
with illusions of my minds eye.

it never is what you think it is
especially if you're me.
what's going on?

open your eyes and realize they've been closed
i've shut the doors
but they're still unlocked
waiting to be opened

i have a voice but choose to not speak for fear of
no one listening or understanding
or caring.

afraid to iniciate
stifling myself
choking
suffucating
hoping
failing
wanting
not trying
falling
losing
stagnant
still
silent

for the time being but not for long trying to get myself out of this rutt which will happen. it's happening now. we all come back to this place time and time again each time making us stronger helping us realize it's not for granted. that we have a purpose and a duty that must be fulfilled. that there is still love in the world and we can find it.