Lucid Reality

I control my dreams and my realities.
there is not a thing that can take place to prevent
me from seeing the world the way I want it to be seen.

negativity is irrelevant
degradation is futile
love trumps all

work is play and there is no recess

Learn to be Happy!!!!

happiness is not a state of being.
it is a skill one must develop
in order to find any appreciation in existing.

1. Love yourself

2. Realize that every experience leading up to right now
has made you, you.

3. Learn from every experience you have.

4. Accept that negative thoughts and feelings will exist,
but can be overpowered by positive, constructive reasoning

5. Be Happy

On losing Love....

relationships work two ways.

once someone is no longer interested there's no use trying to rekindle something that doesn't exist.

i've given up so many times it no longer seems like a loss.

more to come...

no it's not over
there's more to come
there's more to come
it's not over over
there's more to come
there's more to come

under the covers i lay in my bed
i can't rember the lines in my head.
and they said
that that was over, over.
no one around
and the rains comin' down
but i can't hear the sound
of the thunder
no it's not over
no it's not over
know what is. know it's not over over
there's more to come
there's more to come

it's not over over over
there's more to come
don't you know
no, it's not over
it is not over
is not over
not over
over
over

i'm getting up walking out of that door
and these walls they are all comin down
get what i've got well i've got so much more
tell me what is the sound
when you can't hear a sound,
but it drowns out the sound of the ringing, ringing
what's that ringing
the phones ringing
it's not ringing
i start singing
it's not over
there's more to come

twisted and tied but i'm comin apart
no need to be shocked this only the start

i'm getting up walking out of that door
and these walls they are all comin down
get what i've got well i've got so much more
you ought to know when you don't hear a sound

it's not over

there's more to come

Conversing with Myself

i thought there was an audience waiting to hear my voice
i thought my ideas were meaningful to some
and therefore should be shared with many

i searched for an outlet where one could learn my voice
i thought it was already significant to some
perhaps they would bring many

i thought i just need somewhere to raise my voice
where i would be listened to by some
heard by many

i found that place and spoke out. i found that what i thought was my voice was not my voice. i realized that my thoughts were layered upon thought, upon thought, upon thought. this new place brought with it these new realizations, new desires, new inspirations,new convictions, new ideas; a new voice. who is that audience? who has opened themselves up to me to the extent that i cannot deny them? who do i speak to that demands these words be spoken? who cries out for this voice; my voice? who might these words fall upon and that they may actually have some meaning; some purpose? is there a place where this dream finds not only actualization, but justification? is there really a reason for these words to exist? is there anyone listening?

who will hear my voice?
i believe there are some
i wish there were many

a Conflux of Times

reality is such a garbled mess.
tomorrow seems so familiar,
today i'm lost.


what dreams are these:

that we see and understand
better than the realities that are thrust upon us.

the present is incomprehensible.
dreams have such specificity
yet, in pondering there is full cognition of their intricacies.
looking forward creates an understanding.

when the future becomes the now
past speculations
point toward present realizations
which have already been known.

the only time that is ever real
is when today,
yesterday,
and tomorrow
become one.

I am Such a Bitch!

why am i such a raging bitch sometimes.

i really am a kind, caring, loving person
but sometimes i just don't think before i speak
and i come across a bit crass.
this is never really an issue amongst friends .
they know that my rantings foster no negativity
mearly frustration or confusion.

but people who don't know me are often offended.
they think i don't like them, or that i don't respect them
or that i'm just an all around evil person.

not that i really care that much.
the important people tend to get to know me,
and i tend to write off the others.

maybe not the best approach but i'm working on it

AAAARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARAGHAHAAAAAAARRRR!!!!!

I AM IN PAIN.

i find it hard to be poetic or meaningful or my normal pretentious self when aching.
what can i say, i'm a wuss, a punk a sissy or whatever you want to call me.


i can't take pain!!!!!

You Too Can Be An Optimistic Pessimist

laugh. play.

dance. sing.

climb a tree.

fly a kite.

tell a joke.

smile.

it's going to be a while before the world gets any better than it is right now and if things get worse we're all going to have to find a way to still have joy, love, happiness and a since of peace. Life is Beautiful!!!!

quote from an artist on dispay at the Jewish Museum,NY

The past throws stones on the future and all of them land on the present.

more artistic rantings..

i realize that art must have purpose.

irrelevant art is a contradiction of terms.

an artist is not an artist because of his unique being but instead he is artistic because of his unique perspective as a part of a larger community. without community we are nothing.

we, artists, must strive not only to further our work but to enhance, develop and be an active participant in our communities. we cannot blindly leave others behind we must be an inspiration for coming together.

LOVE=abstract>Reality?

this is my only desire ...

"love" : strong affection for a person ot thing arising out of kinship
or personal ties. attraction based on sexual desire, admiration, or common interests.

to some the ultimate love would be a partner with whom you share more love than anyone else? or is it just a different kind of love? i really don't know. it seems the more i date the further i get from knowing what it is i'm supposed to be looking for.

if only i could create a list of likes and dislikes, but unfortunately i have no idea where to begin. my 'list' would simply be a series of names that didn't work. why, i don't know. most of them i still love very much, but it wasn't the right love.

or does it really matter?

is there really something more or am i searching for the realization of an abstract concept.

Hypnogogic Realization

dreams rarely rear themselves into our world.
one cannot become dependent on their presence.
however to live a dream you first must dream it.

The World Is Not Perfect?

i am a fool.

the world is just a little more complicated than i would like to assume.

it takes time to create your own reality. hypnogogia is a difficult thing to achieve. quite often (all too often) we must choose between dream and waken life.

Fame> hard to swallow

FAME.... what a weird predicament.

my life seems to keep intersecting with an amazing person whom i adore. unfortunately many people consider him to be famous. what does that mean?

if he weren't "famous" there would be no issue. i could at least be my normal self: strike up conversation and pursue him.
failure would be based upon our own chemistry.

however in the present circumstance, mr Wright has an allegiance of weirdo freaks who are in love with him. there are people who stalk him, who buy him weird gifts on a regular basis. think they know him because they have all his records.

how do we break down that wall. how do we present ourselves as people independent of status or public opinion.

what equally weirds me out is my own existence as an artist. i am his peer. i understand, though not on the same levels, the misconceptions "fans" create between perceptions and actualities. i have experienced people falling in love with me as a performer or worse falling in love with a character i've played and think that they know me.

however i have yet to experience that stopping me from



wait

i am ridiculous.
now that i think about it he has never done anything to make me think otherwise. the only times i've talked to him he has treated me with respect and as a normal person. i'm sorry for wasting your time tomorrow i will find a way to meet this man again and at least strike up a conversation.

i hope all goes well

Faith

faith.

a simple word but difficult action. to have faith in myself, faith in my abilities faith in my country, faith in mankind.

i strive each and every day to acquire faith. Jesus was was right when he said," through faith all things are possible". once i can acquire 'divine' faith all possibilities are accepted because i will also have faith that i can endure anything.

i must realize that i don't know what is meant to be. that whatever comes my way i must learn from it, grow from it and embrace it fully.

by faith you can conquer anything.

Me & the "Boys"

Me & the "Boys"

waiting for a dream

waiting for a dream that will make itself clear. trying to find the bright light that will out shine the others showing me the way.

trying to find myself in someplace new.

trying to create a new place.

a new frame of mind

a new reality.

were my muse here beside me this journey would not exist. with my muse i exist in a state of eternal creation. a state which i have become too accustomed to? a place i thrive. (when one is so inspired by one impetuous, does it truly continue to be inspiration or is it just monotonous repetition of what is already known?) how many variations on a theme can one explore before that theme is exhausted.

WHERE AM I?

is it possible that this is what i have been looking for? the ability to leave a place of comfort and inspiration and still carry on. have i awakened from my state of dreaming only to find myself still dreaming or even better not knowing what is dream and what is reality and continuing.

perhaps

To Whom it May Concern..... YOU ROCK!!!!!1

all of the greatest people on this planet are my friends. you may think your friends are cool, but that's only because you haven't met my friends.

they rock.

although we can get a little carried away with ourselves, i cherish the times spent con mis amigos. who needs romance when you can have friendships. dating is such a pain. you put this label of "couple" on yourselves then you pretend to be more compatible than you are as you try to get to know each other.

even if you date someone who you think you know, too many people stifle themselves from sharing intimacy with their friends and doing so, i feel prevents, you from being open enough to really let yourself be known. when such folk do decide to share themselves with each other they still end up meeting on several levels as strangers.

so what am i saying..

i love my friends.

really love my friends.

sometimes more than i love my mother and my siblings. love them so much i hurt when they suggest they may be in pain. love them so much that my biggest fear is losing them. any of them. i know it is also on some of their minds.

time, distance, success, and romance sometimes seem to pull at us but nothing can separate us.

to all my friends... you rock!!! and you all know who you are and if you think i may be speaking of you then you're probably wrong. my friends are pretty f**cking awesome and when you're that great you know it for certain.

my page

When I Think of Home

home: the place you live . the place you belong. the place you miss and can go away from physically but it is always kept within you.
home: the place you feel the most like yourself.

home.

everyone always talks about how small the world seems to be. i'm trying to realize why the same does not apply to me. the more people i meet that are a part of my karass, people who are removed from me by a degree of separation, the bigger the world seems. not only is it big but my world seems to be growing almost exponentially and in its growth i seem to be becoming smaller and smaller.

each and every day it seems to be more and more apparent that i do not have a home. or at least i am finding myself reorganizing my thoughts on what is my home. more importantly i am realizing that i will not have a home or sense of home until i can accept the fact that

my home is not a house

my home is not a neighborhood

my home is not a city

is not a region

or even a country

i find myself contemplating "sacrifices". if going home causes you to lose something then that thing is not a part of you. it is a detriment. it is deterring you from who you are from your home. but if it is a part of you it is welcome in your home and will hopefully share your home and above all respect your home and your need to return home.

is the right right?

trying to maintain faith in my fellow man is sometimes challenging. not that i know what is right in this world or for this world but some things seem very clear. spent the last evening arguing with artists on topics i thought we innately shared camaraderie in our beliefs. how can you commiserate with and claim to respect people when you would allow your vote against someone who is clearly in a position to destroy there rights to basic freedoms not be counted.

maybe i'm the fool. maybe i'm stuck in my bleeding heart liberal world and can't see through the fags and sinners and women who want to kill their unborn children. maybe we don't all deserve health care. maybe the poor, the old, the crazy artist who don't want to get a real job with insurance benefits, maybe those who need life long care due to illnesses they were born with or acquired do to no fault of their own, maybe anyone who isn't rich or doesn't have a rich daddy or isn't fortunate enough to be able to have the basic necessities of a healthy life shouldn't get health care. maybe they deserve to be punished, to die. maybe they should all move to one of those "crazy", "f**cked" up countries like Sweden or Canada with all the rest of the commies.

maybe?

nooooo.

i'm pretty sure i'm right. (not in a political sense but in a correct sense)

finding myself

trying to realize my full potenential is not an easy thing to do. looking back at my life and seeing all the unpleasant to detrimental events which were obviosly the result of my own actions. now trying to qualify each charecteristic that defines myself.

trying to differentiate those negative qualities that make me who i am from the ones that are stopping me from being who i want to be and can be.
the person who i am...
.....underneath all the baggage.

I love it when my shit tastes like cavier

had an extremely horrid audition today for a pretty recognized Milwaukee Theater but they seemed to like it.

oh well all out of cavier shit. sorry if this is even more boring than my other posts have been. i am creatively writing though. i'm starting a new book of illustrations around a theme. they are short writings entitled "Everbody Gets Sad" it's sort of like a childrens book some of them are based on real people and all they characters are sad either because of who they are, who their families are, how they live or how people see them. for example: tyler is too tall, anna doesn't dress like all the other girls, david doesn't cut his hair, charlie's dad is an alchoholic, anthony can't play sports, liz is fat, and mark goes to a weird church where the people talk funny and roll around the floor. if anyone has any brilliant inspirations or is offended by my using their name, please respond.