Dear Diary 3/26/2005

I think i have an obsession with being despised
perhaps i seek it out.

i'm much to emotional at times
i think to highly of others and am often dissapointed.
once again I've had my heart broken

got all excited about an opportunity which fell through
it's not like I've lost anything
i simply don't have an opportunity that I thought I would
what's more are the lies and deceit which had no motivation
but clouded my interprtation of the status of things.

people can't be trusted and i shouldn't count my chickens until they're hatched.

oh, well
It's not like things are going bad for me
they're going amazingly well
The past few months have been the best I have ever had.
and the future only seems to be getting better.

brain storming

Okay it's about time for me to start
writing another play.
this time I want to write a bonafide musical
perhaps a one-person cabaret....

Lady No No does the booze
I mean blues
the heart warming tale of a
love crazed cabaret songstress

With sorrow in her eyes
and a smile on her face
No No makes it feel good to feel bad.

A tragic tale of the rise and fall of a celebrity

Yesterday is history
tommorow is a mystery
today is a gift
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Dumby- "Lady Windemer's Fan" by Oscar Wilde

I am (a mystery)to myself. I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly. I don't see any chance of it just at present.

where do the shadows go when they dissappear

waking up from nightmares to live a life of dreams

waking up from nightmares to live a life of dreams

there's poison in me
guess it's pay for all the bad i've done
and all the good that came to me despite it.

sometimes I don't see that well
even when I open my eyes

sometimes i see better with my eyes closed
not trying to make out the image before me
but simply knowing that it's there
and before you know it, it is.

I can hear a sweet song in the distance
i can't recognize the melody
but it's pretty

I think i'd like to sing that song some day

can you hear it

listen closely

shhh.


shhh



shh.




listen closely....





..and you'll hear






I'll be singing it










you just keep on listening.

This Blog Sucks (and that's great)

Sometimes I make absolutely no since!

if you want to find a little bit of humility
just start writing down whatever's on your mind
and eventually you'll realize as i do
that idiocracy is abundant.

but what i find suprising is not my stupidity
but the satisfaction got from expressing it
the exchange of thoughts between my conscious
and unconscious mind is exhillarating.

it is another medium of fine art
it compares to the most simplistic elements
of other art forms
the listening of an actor
the seeing and interpretting of a subject
even before one paints it

that moment when you know this is significant
that moment when you say there's beauty here
that must be acknowledged
that must be created
that must be

god am i retarded

Two months from Utah

The world is getting larger everyday and here we go again
taking off soon to new places, new adventures
sorry to be leaving friends behind once again
but
having gone through this before
i now realize that distance and
time are but collanders
to sift out your loved ones
from the rest of the muck that fills our lives.

adios old world my mind is already drifting on to new ones.

the desert shall suit me well

the Mormans i'm not so sure about

I am my own Messiah

i am my own Messiah
i am the balm to heal my sin sick soul

i am my own wife i make myself complete
just by realizing all that i am

i am my own best friend. no one else can understand what i have been through. no one else has been there from the beginning but i.

i am my own worst enemy. no matter what the circumstance the only one who truly can destroy me is me.

i must be my own disciplinarian. no matter what my actions are, i know my intentions and whether they were corrupt or not. i must determine whether every moment i spend is one that has improved my being that has sent positive energy out into the universe.

i am my own Messiah i am my inspiration to live a good life
a life better than the one i lived before